New year’s resolution ideas may be the last thing on your mind, especially after the year that 2020 was. A lot of us were just glad that we survived!
However, there was definitely a sense of relief when the clock ticked over to 2021 and the promise of a new and hopefully better year.
I’ve always enjoyed planning and setting personal goals. Which is why I’ve decided to goal plan for 2021, keeping in mind that I can’t predict what the year ahead will be like.
Coping with uncertainty (read here) and moderating my expectations (read here) were important lessons I learnt in 2020. From some wisdom gained, I’ve taken a different approach to planning my new year’s resolution ideas for 2021.
Keep reading for inspiration on how you can make your new year better too! And skip to the end of the article if you are feeling demotivated for this year and need some help getting into a better frame of mind.
You can also download my goal planning template for 2021 below.
New Year’s Resolution 1: Stop Hesitating
Any psychologist will tell you that our brains are wired for hesitation. Our ‘lizard brain’ (the oldest part of our brain where our survival instincts come from) is always on the lookout for potential threats in the environment (more on the lizard brain here).
Of course, our brains are trying to protect us, but they often sabotage us by over-exaggerating threats and going down negative spirals. One way that our brains help us avoid ‘dangerous’ situations like social humiliation, rejection, discomfort and failure, is by making us hesitate.
Have you ever wondered why you stopped yourself from speaking up in a meeting? Or you struggled to get out of bed in the morning? That’s right, hesitation! Your brain made you hesitate to avoid a potentially negative experience.
Because, if you spoke up in that meeting, your idea might have been rejected by your colleagues, your manager might have disagreed with you and maybe you might have even lost your job while everyone pointed and laughed and chased you out of the office…!
At least that’s what your brain was trying to convince you.
Hesitation has stopped me in the past from being bold, from speaking up for what I believe in, from chasing new opportunities and from sharing who I am with the world.
Not anymore!
My first 2021 goal is to stop hesitating and start overriding that negativity bias. Even though it might be difficult, last year was a journey for me to stop caring what other people think and start reaching my full potential.
If hesitation is going to stop me from becoming the person I want to be, then I’m going to start fighting back!
Click here if you want to learn more about overcoming hesitation.
New Year’s Resolution 2: Improve myself gently
One of the best new year’s resolution ideas is self-improvement. Self-improvement means something different to each of us, and we all have different priorities on what we would like to change. But because I believe in the power of vulnerability, I’ve decided to share some ways I would like to gently improve myself in 2021.
Thinking before I speak
It’s so important to speak with intentional and positive words. So many times we say things because we are trying to please someone else, or speak in a way that doesn’t reflect what we really feel or believe. Sometimes, we speak too quickly and don’t think about the impact on other people’s feelings. Other times, we know we should say something but we choose to stay silent instead.
This year, I want to speak intentional, kind and positive words. Speech is a powerful tool, and I want to use it wisely.
Find something to be grateful for everyday
Again, our brains are really good at focusing on the negatives- the job, friends, social life and all the stuff we ‘could have’ instead of gratitude for what we’ve got. Any psychologist will tell you, practicing gratitude leads to increased satisfaction, feelings of motivations and happiness.
Gratitude is not something that always comes naturally to me. Maybe it’s my unrelenting standards, where I continually set the bar higher, or maybe it’s my faulty negative brain again. But, I know that gratitude is the beginning of contentment in life, so I’m going to try practicing it more.
Moving my body, even just a little bit, every day
Even as I write these words I feel like groaning (not off to a good start!). But just like overriding hesitation, I have to override my body’s instinct to stay in the warmth of my bed, curled up on the lounge or hunched over my computer. I’m not going to set any extreme goals for joining bootcamp or running a marathon. I just want to get my heart beating and my body moving for a few minutes everyday.
New year’s resolution 3: Limit toxic relationships
Inevitably, in life, we come across toxic people and find ourselves in relationship with them. I love this graphic of different types of toxic people, and I think we can all relate to having narcissists, over-controllers, drama magnets, energy vampires, compulsive liars and green-eyeds in our lives, at least at some point. Sometimes, we can even find ourselves slipping into these toxic personality traits, if we aren’t careful and self-reflective.
Even though my self-sacrificing side would have me continue relationships with toxic people, with the idea of ‘helping them,’ I know it is much healthier and wiser to wave goodbye.
So, one of my 2021 goals is to limit the toxic relationships in my life. For me, limiting means making conscious efforts to invest less in toxic people, and put my energy towards healthy and positive friends who want the best for me. Ultimately, while I can’t fully avoid toxic people and relationships, I can choose how much to invest my time, energy and thoughts in them.
New Year’s Resolution 4: Be curious and open to learning new things
It’s so amazing how much information is at our fingertips. Last year, I had my first virtual reality experience- a trip to the moon. I was transported in a spaceship to the moon, where I walked around and studied the craters. Staring up at the galaxy and the milky way, I was in awe of our world and how technology can simulate these incredible experiences.
So, in 2021, I want to open myself to learning new things and having more of these ‘wow’ experiences.
Although a trip to the moon, or even New Zealand, might not be possible in the current Covid climate, I’m hoping to start small in my learning experiences.
For example, learning more about world politics, investigating new therapy styles and trying hobbies like Pilates or cycling.
I’m also going to make more of an effort to talk to people and listen and learn. One of the beauties of living in Sydney, is that there are people from all corners of the globe and all walks of life. While hesitation might have stopped me from starting conversations last year, I’m hoping this year I can meet and learn from different people. Because the best way to learn, in my experience, is to listen 🙂
“I’m not feeling motivated” What if goal planning is a struggle?
Recently, there has been a push-back at even making new year’s resolutions. If last year taught us anything, it’s that life is unpredictable. So even if we make certain goals, there is no guarantee we will achieve them. And then there are the notorious new year’s resolutions to eat better and lose weight which often cause feelings of guilt and shame rather than motivation and excitement.
If you’re not feeling motivated to make goals for this year, I feel you. But I also don’t think it’s helpful to throw the towel in on ways you can improve yourself or contribute to something good in 2021.
So here is my advice for the demotivated people out there!
Start small
There’s no point in creating huge to-do lists and enormous goal checklists. Just starting on the small things in life can have profound impacts. Even if that means trying to get more sleep, or making your bed in the morning, these are valuable places to start if you’re feeling demotivated. And as the saying goes, from little things big things grow.
Coping with mental health
If you are struggling right now with depression, stress or anxiety, the thought of facing new goals can be incredibly distressing. Remember that your health comes first, and validate that even doing small things can be incredibly difficult when you are fighting daily emotional battles.
What I tell my patients is to keep reflecting on how far they have come, and to encourage themselves for the small wins so they can keep moving forward.
In the words of this excellent article I read on coping with depression “keep putting one foot in front of the other, even if they are very small steps and most of them are more of a stumble.”
Wishing you a positive new year with many good things to come!
If you’ve made any 2021 goals and new year’s resolutions then comment them below.
And if you need some inspiration, download my 2021 goals template here:
