One of my favourite parts of the new year are the film releases, and this month did not disappoint! As a change of pace from the dominance of action and superhero movies, I was pleased to see that there was a more subtle, absurd and alternative genre of film coming through, with a focus on relationships. Upon leaving the cinema after watching three films – Saltburn, Poor Things and Priscilla- I was left thinking about the complexity of relationships, and the dangers of infatuation (particularly with Jacob Elordi!)
These movies show that infatuation can…
make you stop eating, sleeping or thinking logically…
consume you completely…
drive you to do crazy things…
become the worst version of yourself…
depress you…
elevate you, and
crush you.
Infatuation is defined as; “a feeling of foolish or obsessively strong love for, admiration for, or interest in someone.”
No one is immune to the perils of infatuation. It’s an obsessive kind of love that can take over so quickly, and often leads us to places of hurt and regret. And the best part of infatuation is also the worst part- we lose our self-awareness. Without our self-awareness, it’s a bit like being drunk – we are up in the clouds, blissfully floating away. But we are also blind to our surroundings, not in control of our behaviours and more times than not, making a complete fool of ourselves.
So, here are three lessons I learnt about infatuation from watching these three movies.
Infatuation is not about who they are, but about who you want to be
In Saltburn, the protagonist (Oliver) becomes infatuated with Jacob Elordi’s character (Felix). As the audience, we see Felix through Oliver’s eyes – a handsome, sun kissed, charming, charismatic, guy-that-everyone-wants. Felix is also rich, affluent and the heir of the estate Saltburn.
We observe Oliver watching Felix, staring at him with admiration, awe and voyeuristic longing. We then become increasingly uncomfortable as we see Oliver pursuing Felix in a sickening way, losing all sense of boundaries and becoming the ultimate people-pleaser. The shocking and tragic endpoint of Saltburn points to an important lesson about infatuation – it can consume and lead to chasing something or someone at all costs.
Felix represented all the things that Oliver craved, admired and desired. In this way, Oliver was not actually in love with Felix, but rather in love with what he represented, which he wanted for himself.
While Saltburn presents an extreme version of infatuation, it does teach us that infatuation can lead to losing ourselves. As we become obsessed with someone else, we might fall into a trap of either being like the other person or being a version of ourselves that they want. We might also go to great lengths to pursue someone, seeking to possess what they have, but losing ourselves in the process.
Infatuation leads to a loss of freedom
In Priscilla, the love story of Elvis Presley and the young Priscilla, directed by Sofia Coppola, we trace the meeting of the then 14-year-old Priscilla to the renowned singer, and their turbulent relationship and marriage. One of the most confronting elements of the film is the 10-year age gap between Priscilla and Elvis, made the more disturbing given his advances on her while she is still a teenager.
Priscilla is completely infatuated with Elvis – writing him letters, waiting by the phone for his calls, neglecting her schoolwork and travelling to meet him whenever he calls on her. She is the ultimate ‘groupie’ – but instead of following him on tour, he forces her to stay waiting for him at his home estate Graceland.
Elvis is certainly in love with Priscilla, or the version of her that he wants, who is innocent, naive, and reliable. But it is Priscilla who is infatuated with Elvis and lets him control her completely. Elvis instructs her to “keep the home fires warm,” and so she patiently waits for him alone, voluntarily living like a prisoner in Graceland, her life and youth wasting away as she fawns after him.
The Priscilla story speaks to one of the biggest risks of infatuation – giving yourself up to someone else’s control. Just like Priscilla, we can become so desperate for someone’s love and approval, that we sacrifice our own freedom, becoming a prisoner to chasing our ideals around a committed relationship while being blinded to the red flags. Part of Priscilla’s journey is realising that, as she ages, she doesn’t want to be controlled anymore, and she breaks free from her infatuation.
The best way to cope with infatuation is to let go
When I reflect on the weird and wonderful film Poor Things, it’s hard to even put into words what that movie is about. The ultimate weirdness is Emma Stone’s character ‘Bella’ who has been brought back to life by an experimental surgeon, who (spoiler alert!) puts Bella’s unborn baby’s brain inside her adult dead body and resurrects her. The result is a beautiful woman with the thoughts and behaviours of a child – she is erratic and wild, but also easily delighted, wide-eyed, trusting and affectionate.
Soon, everyone who comes into contact with Bella falls under her spell, but they also try to restrain her, worried about this child-woman being out in a dangerous world, where she could easily be taken advantage of. This movie is fantastic, and incredibly funny, without the overly disturbing elements of Saltburn and Priscilla. In terms of infatuation, the audience also becomes captivated by Bella, as she is so compelling and funny.
But, like all the other characters in the movie, we learn that Bella can’t be tamed or do the things she is supposed to do. They (and we) have to let go, letting Bella make her own mistakes and forge her own path.
Similarly, when we are infatuated by someone, we must learn to accept that they can’t be controlled or possessed by us. As much as we might desire, pursue or persuade them, we cannot control them, and to try to do so is to let our infatuation control us!
So, the best we can do when we find ourselves becoming infatuated is to learn to let go, understanding that it is not worth pursuing someone and losing ourselves in the process. It helps to remind ourselves that often what we are craving in someone is not who they actually are, but what they represent for us. With this new acceptance and self-awareness we can then start to better manage our infatuations, and navigate healthier and freer relationships. Now go watch these movies!
