Nothing in life is certain.
There is no crystal ball to predict the future. Every decision we make involves some level of risk. And sometimes, we are suspended in the unknown, and just have to deal with it (#coronaviruslockdown).
Despite knowing that death and taxes are the only certainties in life, our brains seem to be OBSESSED with predicting the future. Especially during times of stress and difficulty, we crave certainty and closure, and will often resort to worrying for relief.
Worrying is our very human way of trying to cope with the unknown. By worrying, we mull over all the possibilities that could occur in a situation (especially the bad ones). We start the classic “What if..?” spiral that takes us in all weird and wonderful cognitive directions.
So, how do we stop worrying? And how do we cope with uncertainty and the great unknown?
Into the unknown
Imagine if I had a magical pair of glasses, that contained all the secrets of the future.
I tell you that if you put these glasses on, you will see your entire future life. Every moment to come will be revealed to you; every success, failure, love, death, relationship and special moment. Would you take the glasses?
I think that despite most of us craving certainty, we are also aware that the uncertainty of life is what makes it exciting. We don’t know what it will be like when we have our first child, and it’s crazy scary, but we anticipate this moment in life and look forward to it one day. When we start our college life, we don’t know with full certainty what career we will end up in, but we work towards our goals and the possibilities of what lies ahead.
Even though the unknown is terrifying, especially for those of us who suffer from panic and anxiety, we also know that it is what makes life worth living. And, the alternative of a completely predictable, boring life with no chance or risk isn’t the kind of life most of us would enjoy living (read more on risk-taking here).
Stay in the present moment
If you think about it, worrying is pretty remarkable. Somehow, our brains are capable of vividly imagining a bunch of terrible things that could possibly happen, and suddenly we find ourselves miserable by something that isn’t even real!
Instead of going on these mental journeys into the future, one way we can cope with uncertainty is by staying in the present moment. By paying attention to our surroundings- the sun shining through the window, the warmth of clothes on our skin, our work, our breathing and our body, we stop living in our heads and start living in the real world.
By worrying, we suddenly find ourselves miserable by something that isn’t even real
One thing I suggest to my counselling clients is going for a mindful walk. Take yourselves on a walk with absolutely no distractions (no headphones/music/company) and focus on taking in your surroundings. If your mind wanders, then come back to the present moment and just be! (more on getting in touch with your body here)
Use your rational brain
When you are in the black hole of a worry spiral, your emotional brain has overridden your logical brain. It’s important to check in again with the rational side of your brain and ask yourself the following questions:
Is worrying going to achieve anything? (spoiler, no)
Does worrying change the outcome of an event or situation (again, no)
Does worrying make me feel better or worse (although worry might provide some temporary relief, it ultimately leads us to feeling worse)
You then have a choice with how much attention you give your worries. Although they might stay in the back of your mind, chattering away and trying to grab your attention, you can choose to stay with your logical brain, and tell yourself
“It’s totally normal for me to crave certainty, but I accept that uncertainty is a part of life. I choose to let my worries go and stay in the present moment.”
Often, when we worry about uncertain outcomes, we will jump to all the ‘worst possible’ scenario. Although the ‘worst possible’ scenario realistically wouldn’t occur, take a second to think what would happen if it did.
Even the things we dread the most like losing a job or relationship, getting sick or even worse, we know that we are strong enough to handle these things. We can remind ourselves of the support around us that would get us through that. The problem isn’t bigger than us, and we don’t have to be afraid of it.
Obviously, it takes a lot of courage to face our fears of the unknown. If this is something you would like help with, I would encourage you to talk to someone and go deeper into your fears of uncertainty. If you struggle with worrying, then I hope some of these strategies help you, and would love to hear what you do to cope in the comments below.
We are living in uncertain times, but uncertainty is a part of life always. Instead of worrying, let’s turn to each other for support and keep hoping for a better future!
